I've been sitting on this blog post for weeks. I've been sitting on a few blog posts for weeks. So it's late, but check it out. Thanks! J.
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Bonnie Stewart, probably my favourite lecture so far. Everything has been awesome- but the material that Bonnie discussed so far has been the closest to my research and what brings me to this course.
Boooooo.... I just found out that because I'm on my mobile devices- my macbook just doesn't seem to let Collaborate run.... I can't review old recordings :( I may have to use some computers on campus... which is tough because I'm heading off to Toronto in a week. Sigh. Anyway, I was simply hoping to reference some specific slides, but I can just talk about them. Though I really did appreciate the lecture, and totally understand the scope/quantity of content that Bonnie had to cover, I felt like we moved really fast through stuff. So for this post, I'm going to talk a bit about my project/research and connections I made to Bonnie's lecture.
"We all have to make choices about self representation." was one of her opening lines in the lecture, and part of that discussion, she framed it in the idea that how we identify ourselves is based on the contexts of our social situations. Specifically Stewart was asking us to self identify in the context of this course. Part of how we identify ourselves is by recognizing the roles we play, and "who we want to be." Which is an affordance given to us in online social platforms. We can create our own identities, avatars, we can steal other people's identities for our own. At the same time, Bonnie argues that asking the questions "who do I want to be?" is limiting, and instead, a question she asks instead "what do I want to contribute?" I felt this beginning was great. I think speaks to how hyper aware we as users are when we go online, or how we present ourselves in any social environment where we believe ourselves to be visible.
It was about 40 minutes into the lecture when Bonnie then identified two points that really piqued my engagement. She commented on how some of our defined roles are beyond our control, in terms of how we are received online. She mentioned that how a female, person of colour, minority, etc. is read/perceived differently in many online contexts. And I should say- differently than a (young) straight, (white), male. Discussions on gamergate, trolls, online bullying were brought up. And this is part of my interest in the work.
I think there is a danger in the self-consciousness that is created, or that has been facilitated by the proliferation of social media. When Bonnie asked us to consider "who we want to be?" or "what do we want to contribute?" My instinct is to ask myself, "why do we want to engage?" For me, the immediate response is a need to connect. That's a fundamental part of social media, the social connection- and part of that is deeply rooted in needing to feel: accepted, validated, recognized, celebrated.
Unfortunately, I don't think that there is a lot of talk about the 'celebrated' part, because like all environments, online networks are an equally ideal place for harassment and abuse. In future discussions, I'm sure we'll talk about managing our publics, and I'll blog about it then. But from watching hundred of youtube videos (for this class) and as much as I'm watching the videos, I'm interested in the comments. I think this is what Stewart was responding to, when she talked about mutliple-multiple communications points "the colourful ball of string" where it's no long a single broadcast point- where I send out media to a large network of people, but we can all send to each other.
So back to those needs I mentioned above- I think that online, we feel like we have even more control on how we manicure ourselves to present the best "self" possible. This comes in the form of whatever way we want to perform our 'selfie'- be it with foodporn, or gym selfies, or trolling- we attempt to emulate content that comes before, to be recognized as part of that community, and by how well we perform within that context, we are elevated within that community through approval and likes. This generally makes sense, and is usually acceptable, until our community comes in conflict with another community.
This becomes extra complicated because we exist within multiple communities. This is what Stewart was talking about, when she mentioned the collapse of context, and I believe her quote was "I forgot my grandma/aunt/mom were on my networks." In recent news, one female gamer contacted the mother of one of the trolls who attacked her on facebook. http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/11/this-woman-is-contacting-the-moms-of-boys-who-threaten-to-rape-her-on-twitter/
How I wanted to tie this into my research-
So I'm interested in autoethnographic performance. A lot of that is autobiographical performance- where we essentially perform ourselves, specifically telling our own stories. I've probably talked about these before. Autoethnographic performance, in a super generalized definition, is looking at the cultural contexts/implications of how we perform ourselves and commenting on it. Deirdre Heddon is a researcher who talks about autobiographical performance, and in her text: Autobiography in Performance she talks about how in any performance, whether it be creating a character that we act on stage, or another form of performance art- the artist is never able to completely separate themselves from the character/work. In this context, this idea applies in the sense that no matter how much we try to control/create/manage an online persona- so much more of ourselves are constantly revealed.
As Bonnie says, in many ways, "the more we reveal, the more vulnerable we are." For me, and I'll talk about this further in another blog, about my video project "Poets in the Kitchen" Probably one of the biggest discoveries for me... was how much more I revealed about myself when watching myself on film. On a physical level- the state of my kitchen, the decor in my home, were all part of the frame. While filming, I was really focused on showing the best knife skills I had, and trying to constantly remember every culinary cooking technique I knew. But also constantly reassuring my viewers, and also asking viewers to be nice- or instead of criticizing me- to give constructive feedback. It speaks a lot to my actual (in)security on film, which in some ways I thinks makes me a bit more accessible.
More importantly, and I talk about this in episode 4, which you'll see soon :), was how much I performed myself in terms of some of the identifiers we discussed in the lecture. I didn't notice it prior (during filming) but in the viewing- I saw how I performed my Asian identity, and especially my Queer self. And I do not mean, I was playing up any stereotype, but just noticing how I speak about my family, and how in my attempts to build rapport with a camera... or perhaps through a camera... I consciously slip in 'baits' or nuggets of my life that I think will connect with the audience, but I am unconscious of, or do not plan what nuggets I'll drop. After watching these videos, and sitting on them for a while before posting- it became a journey for me to actually upload and post. This is because I felt vulnerable. I've had lots of dealings with the media, that aversely affected my family- and in this- leading up to my last point- is where some problems come up that I'm questioning.
Not only do our personal networks conflict when differing contexts/communities clash, but also our virtual and physical communities clash. So Bonnie added a link to an article on digital dualism vs augmented reality. In SUPER SUPER brief, she talked about how some people separate the real world from the digital, where one seems more real, and in augmented realities, there are a lot of affordances that are given in terms of how much we can engage, and feel accomplished. I feel like this blog post is running away with itself, so I want to kind of focus it in- by sharing a personal example. I talk about this in an upcoming video- so check it out!!!! #videoplug #selfpromotion
I have been in the media several times for attending the first Gay Wedding Showcase at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, and for producing/performing in the first Queer Theatre Festival in South Western Ontario, and other activist events that support LGBTQ rights. All of these in some way have gotten back to my family, my networks in my professional career, and especially with my family- have been detrimental.
So what I'm interested in with this work- is how as much as we may define ourselves, feel alienated, or displaced- which is what many marginalized people feel- when we create a space that we want to use to perform our truths and speak our stories- we risk facing ridicule, abuse, and assault from outside communities. And because of the systematic oppressions that exist, it's not only us that are vulnerable- but the people in our lives that associate with us.
So I don't necessarily support those (and I don't think Bonnie does this- which is why I loved this lecture) that believe the conversations end with "who do you want to present online?" or even "what do you want to contribute?" but I think the reality for a lot of people is, "what do I dare contribute, because I once felt safe, and now do not?"
"We all have to make choices about self representation." was one of her opening lines in the lecture, and part of that discussion, she framed it in the idea that how we identify ourselves is based on the contexts of our social situations. Specifically Stewart was asking us to self identify in the context of this course. Part of how we identify ourselves is by recognizing the roles we play, and "who we want to be." Which is an affordance given to us in online social platforms. We can create our own identities, avatars, we can steal other people's identities for our own. At the same time, Bonnie argues that asking the questions "who do I want to be?" is limiting, and instead, a question she asks instead "what do I want to contribute?" I felt this beginning was great. I think speaks to how hyper aware we as users are when we go online, or how we present ourselves in any social environment where we believe ourselves to be visible.
It was about 40 minutes into the lecture when Bonnie then identified two points that really piqued my engagement. She commented on how some of our defined roles are beyond our control, in terms of how we are received online. She mentioned that how a female, person of colour, minority, etc. is read/perceived differently in many online contexts. And I should say- differently than a (young) straight, (white), male. Discussions on gamergate, trolls, online bullying were brought up. And this is part of my interest in the work.
I think there is a danger in the self-consciousness that is created, or that has been facilitated by the proliferation of social media. When Bonnie asked us to consider "who we want to be?" or "what do we want to contribute?" My instinct is to ask myself, "why do we want to engage?" For me, the immediate response is a need to connect. That's a fundamental part of social media, the social connection- and part of that is deeply rooted in needing to feel: accepted, validated, recognized, celebrated.
Unfortunately, I don't think that there is a lot of talk about the 'celebrated' part, because like all environments, online networks are an equally ideal place for harassment and abuse. In future discussions, I'm sure we'll talk about managing our publics, and I'll blog about it then. But from watching hundred of youtube videos (for this class) and as much as I'm watching the videos, I'm interested in the comments. I think this is what Stewart was responding to, when she talked about mutliple-multiple communications points "the colourful ball of string" where it's no long a single broadcast point- where I send out media to a large network of people, but we can all send to each other.
So back to those needs I mentioned above- I think that online, we feel like we have even more control on how we manicure ourselves to present the best "self" possible. This comes in the form of whatever way we want to perform our 'selfie'- be it with foodporn, or gym selfies, or trolling- we attempt to emulate content that comes before, to be recognized as part of that community, and by how well we perform within that context, we are elevated within that community through approval and likes. This generally makes sense, and is usually acceptable, until our community comes in conflict with another community.
This becomes extra complicated because we exist within multiple communities. This is what Stewart was talking about, when she mentioned the collapse of context, and I believe her quote was "I forgot my grandma/aunt/mom were on my networks." In recent news, one female gamer contacted the mother of one of the trolls who attacked her on facebook. http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/11/this-woman-is-contacting-the-moms-of-boys-who-threaten-to-rape-her-on-twitter/
How I wanted to tie this into my research-
So I'm interested in autoethnographic performance. A lot of that is autobiographical performance- where we essentially perform ourselves, specifically telling our own stories. I've probably talked about these before. Autoethnographic performance, in a super generalized definition, is looking at the cultural contexts/implications of how we perform ourselves and commenting on it. Deirdre Heddon is a researcher who talks about autobiographical performance, and in her text: Autobiography in Performance she talks about how in any performance, whether it be creating a character that we act on stage, or another form of performance art- the artist is never able to completely separate themselves from the character/work. In this context, this idea applies in the sense that no matter how much we try to control/create/manage an online persona- so much more of ourselves are constantly revealed.
As Bonnie says, in many ways, "the more we reveal, the more vulnerable we are." For me, and I'll talk about this further in another blog, about my video project "Poets in the Kitchen" Probably one of the biggest discoveries for me... was how much more I revealed about myself when watching myself on film. On a physical level- the state of my kitchen, the decor in my home, were all part of the frame. While filming, I was really focused on showing the best knife skills I had, and trying to constantly remember every culinary cooking technique I knew. But also constantly reassuring my viewers, and also asking viewers to be nice- or instead of criticizing me- to give constructive feedback. It speaks a lot to my actual (in)security on film, which in some ways I thinks makes me a bit more accessible.
More importantly, and I talk about this in episode 4, which you'll see soon :), was how much I performed myself in terms of some of the identifiers we discussed in the lecture. I didn't notice it prior (during filming) but in the viewing- I saw how I performed my Asian identity, and especially my Queer self. And I do not mean, I was playing up any stereotype, but just noticing how I speak about my family, and how in my attempts to build rapport with a camera... or perhaps through a camera... I consciously slip in 'baits' or nuggets of my life that I think will connect with the audience, but I am unconscious of, or do not plan what nuggets I'll drop. After watching these videos, and sitting on them for a while before posting- it became a journey for me to actually upload and post. This is because I felt vulnerable. I've had lots of dealings with the media, that aversely affected my family- and in this- leading up to my last point- is where some problems come up that I'm questioning.
Not only do our personal networks conflict when differing contexts/communities clash, but also our virtual and physical communities clash. So Bonnie added a link to an article on digital dualism vs augmented reality. In SUPER SUPER brief, she talked about how some people separate the real world from the digital, where one seems more real, and in augmented realities, there are a lot of affordances that are given in terms of how much we can engage, and feel accomplished. I feel like this blog post is running away with itself, so I want to kind of focus it in- by sharing a personal example. I talk about this in an upcoming video- so check it out!!!! #videoplug #selfpromotion
I have been in the media several times for attending the first Gay Wedding Showcase at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, and for producing/performing in the first Queer Theatre Festival in South Western Ontario, and other activist events that support LGBTQ rights. All of these in some way have gotten back to my family, my networks in my professional career, and especially with my family- have been detrimental.
So what I'm interested in with this work- is how as much as we may define ourselves, feel alienated, or displaced- which is what many marginalized people feel- when we create a space that we want to use to perform our truths and speak our stories- we risk facing ridicule, abuse, and assault from outside communities. And because of the systematic oppressions that exist, it's not only us that are vulnerable- but the people in our lives that associate with us.
So I don't necessarily support those (and I don't think Bonnie does this- which is why I loved this lecture) that believe the conversations end with "who do you want to present online?" or even "what do you want to contribute?" but I think the reality for a lot of people is, "what do I dare contribute, because I once felt safe, and now do not?"
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